If you've been following this story, or if you are just reading it for the first time, here's the Cole's notes version:
- Fergus destroys all of his toys within a matter of days, even those that are supposedly the toughest of the tough;
- I found a Monkey with tear-proof seams and bought it;
- The lady at the pet store told me to keep it among my things for about a week so that it would pick up my smell, which would mean that Fergus would be more gentle with it;
- Monkey slept in my bed and lived in my clothes basket for a week before I gave him to Fergus, who proceeded to whip him around violently, as he does with every other toy he owns;
- Nonetheless, Monkey held on, sustaining some minor damage to his tail, which Fergus chewed through;
- Fergus and Monkey have been best friends for two whole months now, and are still going strong.
Monkey's ear. The sucking sound from earlier? That was Fergus, sucking the ear right off.
And where Monkey's ear used to be, there was just a big, gaping hole, with beautiful white mounds of stuffing ripe for the picking.
Fergus was well on his way to performing a full scale lobotomy, thus wreaking digestive hell on his delicate belly.
What choice did I have? I took Monkey away, shot a few pictures so that I could keep you all updated, and laid him to rest n the garbage can under our sink.
It sounds like such an awful demise. But when you think about it, Monkey had a damn good life. He lasted 2 months and 4 days. That is about 2 months more than every other stuffed toy Fergus has ever had. Not a bad run!
So what have we learned from this little experiment? First, making a toy smell like me does not lead Fergus to be more gentle with it. Second, some toys are clearly made with better stitching than others. Monkey was one of those toys. Three, I am going to spend a fortune on toys for Fergus over the span of our lives together. But that's okay. Because they make him happy. Which means they make me happy too.
Which is why we already had another toy ready and waiting for him for just such an occasion.
Let's see how long you last, Kong Wubba. We'll call you "Red".